I do love a new year. In my mind, the color “white” pops into it when I think of the words “new year.” I don’t know why. Maybe because there’s a bit of a freshness there. Like sleeping on real linens air dried and pressed. Or maybe it’s because I hate New Year’s Eve so much that I can’t wait for the new year to actually get started. I digress.
I have always hated New Year’s Resolutions. Probably because I fail at them and then, well, have to deal with the fallout of crappy thinking that comes.
So I’ve swung to the opposite extreme of never making them and scoffing at the whole idea. There’s a bad plan too.
So, I’m sitting here, listening to Coltrane because if the new year seems white, Coltrane seems like laughter. Which puts me in a mood to make improvements. Which is my answer to the polarizing feeling I get if I make a resolution, or don’t make a resolution.
Improvements seem less daunting. Like painting a room instead of redoing a whole house. They seem little. Resolutions seem big. Like they need legal stamps or something. Now, I won’t judge all you resolvers out there. I think you are pretty amazing, actually. Those who make resolutions and follow through. Wow. The thought of a full on resolution makes me want to throw up. Just where I am.
So here is my list of improvements. It’s probably a semantics thing but the word is better for me. ha.
1. My ability to walk in the woods without getting in a bad mood. Like if I could walk for 10 minutes, through the woods, and enjoy it and be in the moment, that would be good.
2. My ability to keep a calendar. I would like to see improvement in this seriously lacking area of my life.
3. Writing a schedule for myself. Here’s the clincher…not making it too hard, intense, with CRAY CRAY expectations.
4. My health. I would like to see an overall improvement. Like I want to START exercising again.
5. Presence with my own family. You know, baby steps. I think this can be done by both making a home’s environment comfortable and by working on being comfortable with myself enough to be present For the environment it might be lighting some candles at dinner, cooking dinner from time to time. Then of course, seeing improvement with peace with myself. Feeling joy and being ok. Sadness and being ok, etc.
Ok that’s enough.
I’m feeling the temptation to make resolutions.
Happy New Year.